First Comes Love ... Then Comes Marriage

Well, I'm back. And I'm here to tell y'all how GREAT God is. The scripture says that the Lord works in mysterious ways, and I am certain that is very true. He has a plan and only shows His way - in His time. It has been a process, but I am so excited to tell you dear readers that we have job! We have spent the past few days meeting, greeting, and as all good Baptist folks, eating. I'm so excited to know that Hubby has a FANTASTIC new ministry position. But first, I want to fill in some of the blanks...

When I started this blog thing, I was a discouraged minister's wife. I was looking for a message board or some sort of Yahoo group where I could "chat" with other women who lived in this fish bowl life. When I couldn't find what I was looking for, I decided to write about my own experiences. I am NOT a writer. In school, I would always opt for the standardized test rather than the essay. So, the idea of blogging was a bit scary - and I was unsure of the whole process. I am, however, a journal keeper. So, I just told myself that I had to write my thoughts and feelings as I would in a journal -- unconcerned about the audience.

So, I started my blog. I blog anonymously. I will even confess that my name isn't even Stephanie. My hubby requested that I use a pseudonym to protect the guilty innocent. My friends and family do not know about my blog -- well hubby does, but does that really count?

Then, unemployment happened. Blogging was no longer about the church, but it became a way for me to express my thought and feelings as I sought God during one of the most difficult trials of my life. As I kept writing, I also began reading other blogs. You know how it happens - one click here, then another click there, and before you know it, you are reading a blog that could have been written by you, but the words instead belong to another woman whom you have never met.

Well, that was what happened to me. Through a series of clicks, I wound up in a blog circle of women who knew each other IRL. I was the outsider. When I first read the blogs, they would mention their college - OBU. Well, I just filled in the blanks with my own background and assumed they were from Oklahoma Baptist University - being from Texas, that is the OBU I hear about. As I read more, I came to learn that the OBU was actually Ouachita Baptist and that these women, although they were now spread out across the states, were from Arkansas.

So, do you see where this is going? Back in March, Hubby was contacted by the one. We knew immediately that it was the position we had always hoped and prayed for. I told you earlier how it met my wish list. What I couldn't tell you until now is that we are moving to The Natural State! Hubby's new job is in North Little Rock - and let me tell you - it is so beautiful there! I just love the trees and the hills.

The funny thing is that when we were meeting with the folks these past few weeks, they would always ask, "Do you know anyone, or have any connection to Arkansas?" I never really knew how to answer that question. Would these people understand if I told them that I knew some incredible women from Arkansas, but I only knew them through blogland? Would they understand that God had already given me a love and appreciation for this state because of the random clicks of my computer mouse?

The LORD has been at work in my life - long before I even knew it. He has been preparing the way for me. He has been leading us to Arkansas, but He had to wait until the right time to reveal His plan. Leaving Texas is a difficult decision for me - I have lived here for over 20 years. God know my heart, so He gave me a connection to my new place so I would feel at ease during this transition. I've always claimed, "Wherever He leads, I'll go." I'm very excited to follow Him down this new path! I could go on and on about all the GREAT things He has done, but I am weary from all the weekend activities. I will have to catch you up in the next few days.

We're Engaged!!!

So, I have started this post a ba-zillion times - only to go back, delete, and start again. I cannot even begin to put into words how I feel about our job search and potential new place of service. I guess it is because I cannot begin to fully express the roller coaster that we have ridden throughout this whole unemployment process. It has been a journey full of high highs and very low lows - days where all I could cling to was Romans 8:28, forcing myself to believe that God would work this for good.

And then, I also have a ton of crazy emotions because I cannot really believe that God has blessed us in such an incredible way. I sit back in awe that God would really be this good to me. Why don't I see that He wants to give it to me? I have to remind myself of Matthew 7:11 "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" All I have to do is gratefully receive.

A month ago, I compared our job hunting to dating. So, I guess the post last week was a brief announcement that we were ring shopping. We knew both parties were interested, but the relationship hadn't been made public. Well, as of Sunday, we are engaged. It has been made known to the world that this church likes us and intends to bring us onto their church staff -- we just need to get past the church vote. (Which I don't foresee to be a big problem)

When you were single, did you make a list of all the qualities you wanted for in your future mate? I sure did! Well, I did the same thing for our job hunt. I am a list girl, and I like to have written down what I am specifically praying for. The most amazing thing is that as I go through that list, this new church seems to have everything I have hoped and prayed for - and let me tell you, some of them are pretty specific!

So, just so you can see how great my God really is, I want to share with you some of my list. Please understand that these are my personal opinions. They are not scientifically accurate, but God knew my heart and He provided what I needed. (Sorry if it creates a book, but I want to record it all)

1. Good Music Program - We are a musical family. I enjoy singing in the choir, and the kids both enjoy music. So, I wanted a church that had a good children's choir program that would allow them the opportunity to grow their music appreciation. Not only does this church have good choirs, but it also has a fine art program so Brother can take guitar lessons, too.


2. No Children’s Church - I know I'm in the minority in this, but I truly love worshiping as a family. Brother has attended services with us since he was 4, and I intend for Sister to do the same. I was praying for a church that would not offer a separate service for children because it just creates conflict for my family, when I want my children to be with us.


3. Pastor who has only served as a Pastor - I have a great love and respect for the man who served as my pastor when I was growing up. In my mind, I think what made him such a great pastor was that it was his true, complete calling. He never served in any other position, and He was committed to his "flock." Now, I know that other men have served in other positions and then been called into the Pastoral position, and I'm not meaning to slight them. I just wanted someone who had only Pastored - and God gave that to me.


4. Food Services Person - I told you some of these were weird. I wanted to attend a church where they had regular Wednesday night meals. I just need that break in the middle of my week. I remember when Brother was a baby, we attended a church that had Wednesday meals. On some days, the countdown until 5:15 when we could leave for Wednesday church was the only thing that got me over the hump of hump day. I need that in my week.


5. Staff of 6+ - You know, the Bible says to pray specifically, and this was specific. Hubby is not a Senior Pastor, nor is he a Youth or Music Pastor. He is the next guy on the staff. Throughout our marriage, he has served every combo of positions - education/counseling; education/children; education/discipleship/outreach; etc. So, I prayed that God would put us in a church that had a large enough staff (6 or more) that his job responsibilities would be more specific to his gifts, talents, and calling. At our new church, he will be one of eight! God is so generous!!


6. One Sunday School - I didn't want to serve in a church so large that my family would feel divided - especially as Brother reaches youth group age. So, I wanted just one Sunday School hour because in my heart it creates unity -- in both the family and in the church.


7. Personal Secretary for Hubby - Hubby is a busy man and very detail oriented when it comes to his job. He needs someone to come alongside him and help with the email, mail outs, Sunday School records, outreach assignments, etc. Once again, God showed off here because Hubby now has 3 women who will help him in his ministry area.


8. City Location - This was probably the biggest on my list. I am a city girl. I like the city things like restaurants, shopping, movies, health care, etc. We have served in some small towns, and while they were most definitely the place God put us at the time, they were not always easy for me. As we most all know, there are lots of small southern towns with Baptist churches. I just really prayed for a metro location - and I got it.


9. Similar Goals/Values - This one is pretty self-explanatory. I really prayed for a staff situation that felt like an extension of our family. After all, Hubby will spend most of his time away from us with the staff. I cannot begin to express that camaraderie that exist among the men and women of this church staff. When we met them for dinner the other night, we could have stayed and visited until the restaurant closed. It was immediate family.


10. Outside Referral - This was sort-of the "fleece." I prayed that God would provide a job for us that we didn't go searching for. This church was the only church Hubby interviewed with that did NOT receive a resume from him or from someone we know. Instead, a friend of Hubby's forwarded the resume to one of his friends. That friend, then forwarded Hubby's resume to the pastor. It was a total God thing!!
    

So, there you have it. My list of God at work. I wish I could sit down with each of you and tell you all the little signs that God provided along the journey. When Hubby and I went to bed the other night, we counted how many churches he spoke with that were not the right fit for us. We counted 8. Eight churches that were put along our path that were not the one God was offering for us.

So, I will wrap this up with a few more scriptures that I have clung to during this process:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:13-14

"We are pushed hard from all sides. But we are not beaten down. We are bewildered. But that doesn't make us lose hope. Others make us suffer. But God does not desert us. We are knocked down. But we are not knocked out." 2 Cor 4:8-9

Playing Catch-up (Who's the Mustard?)

I've been away for a few days. We've been visiting the one. It was a great visit, and I will for sure share more details in the coming days. Today, I just wanted to leave you with a quick update.

A few months ago, I asked you to pray for Tucker Beam. Well, last weekend, Tucker lost his long, brave fight against cancer. I HATE cancer! My prayer was always that God would use Tucker and his story for His glory. Last Wednesday, 40 people received the free gift of God's salvation at Tucker's funeral. What a testimony of a wonderful family who was willing to allow God to use their tragedy for His triumph! Please continue to pray for the Beam family.

As Hubby and I have traveled our own difficult journey the past few months, God has been a constant in my mind. I am a musical kind-of person. It seems like I have songs running through my head all the time. I can look back on different seasons of my life and remember different "theme songs" for the events. I've had a few theme songs the past few months, but I think the one that has played in my mind the most is "Bow the Knee" by Chris Machen and Mike Harland (arr. Tom Fettke):

Bow the Knee
There are moments on our journey following the Lord
Where God illumines ev’ry step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us,
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim and our questions have no answers,
turn to Him.

Bow the knee;
Trust the heart of your Father
when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee;
Lift your eyes toward heaven and
believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don’t understand
the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.

There are days when clouds surround us, and the rain begins to fall,
The cold and lonely winds won’t cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe God does not know.
When the storms arise,
don’t forget we live by faith and not by sight.

Bow the knee;
Trust the heart of your Father
when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee;
Lift your eyes toward heaven
and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don’t understand
the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.

This isn't my favorite performance of the song, I much prefer the choral arrangement, but here is a sampling. :)

LORD, Help my Unbelief

Have you ever prayed for something so badly, but never really believed it would come true? Have you talked all the right talk, but never really trusted it in your heart? Have you ever gotten everything you ever wanted and stood back in awe of God? That is my life story today. I am reminded of the father in the 9th chapter of Mark. I am praying, "LORD, help my unbelief." The strange thing is that while I'm praying, God has already been at work to answer my prayer - and not just answer it, but "do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine."

So, what has God been up to? Well, we have been in conversations with the one for the past few days. In fact, Hubby and I are scheduled to go and meet with the staff this weekend. I have been in prayer for this visit, asking God to show us discernment and good favor. Well, last night we were contacted by one of the ministers. He explained that they feel confident in Hubby's character, competence, and compatibility. So, they want to make sure we make time to talk money with them while we are in town this weekend. They also want to present us to the church as the candidate for this position, planning for a church vote in a few weeks.

It is such good news!! Want to know my reaction? I cried -- BIG tears! It wasn't a happy cry - although I am happy. It was a scared, overwhelmed, guilty cry. I am so amazed that God is so GREAT! I am so humbled that He answered prayers that I was even afraid to voice aloud, but He knew because He knows my innermost being. (I will save those details for another post). I'm scared, because I do not feel like I deserve this huge blessing, yet I know that God is giving it to me and my family.

So, I've dug out all my scriptures on belief - 'cause I need a refresher course.

"If you believe, you will receive what you ask for when you pray." Matthew 21:22

"Then they asked him, 'What does God want from us? What works does he want us to do?' Jesus answered, 'God's work is to believe in the One he has sent.'" John 6:28-29

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

"Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt? And with whom was he angry for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the desert? And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed? So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief." Hebrews 3:16-19

I don't want to be like the ancient Israelites. I want to believe and follow God into our promised land. God has given us a good thing. I am humbled and very grateful.

Happy Memorial Day

Dear Heavenly Father,
As we remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom, we think of how they have followed in the footsteps of your son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. Please hold our service men and women in your strong arms. Cover them with your sheltering grace and presence as they stand in the gap for our protection.
We also remember the families of our troops, and ask for your unique blessings to fill their homes and your peace, provision and strength to fill their lives.
May the members of our armed forces be filled with courage to face each day and may they trust in the Lord's mighty power to accomplish each task. Let our military brothers and sisters feel our love and support. In the name of Jesus. Amen (Prayer by Mary Fairchild)

PRAISE THE LORD!

Three posts in one day! WOW! I just couldn't wait to share the great news with all my prayer warriors. Hubby just received the following update about his seminary friend:

Dear Prayer Partners,
We have received word that God has answered prayer in a mighty way. Lynn is now awake, and eating regular food. The doctors are in the process of analyzing any possible damage and have noticed some weakness on the right side. Discussions are now focused on rehab programs. His wife, Debbie, rejoices in the movement of God in their lives and her heart rejoices in “knowing” the power of prayer.

God is so good! This is the family who was researching long-term care facilities on the advice of doctors because the tests showed no neurological functioning. He has truly done a miracle in this man's life. Thank you for praying -- you got to be a part of God's work!

We're discouraged...

Hubby has been talking with a church about a new ministry opportunity. Well, they said they would contact us, and they haven't yet. It is very discouraging. I am trying to remain positive and trust that the Lord is in control of all of this. However, I really want to just curl into a ball and sleep until all this stress has past. So, say a prayer for our family.

In the meantime, here is my new theme song:

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

Psalm 27:13-14

Weekend Warriors

On Sunday, I had the opportunity to share with you about the Powell family and the privilege I had to pray for them. I cannot begin to explain the impact their family had on my own spiritual life. The most important lesson I learned by following their story was how one could pray for others and make a difference even if the people are complete strangers. As I mentioned in my previous post, I have never meet Ben or Becky Powell, but I feel a connection with them because of the countless hours I have spent in intercession for their family.

So, as I remembered Ethan and his journey on Sunday, I came to realize that I want to have that praying experience again, and I want others to experience it as well. Therefore, I came up with a plan. Every few Fridays, I will post 2 or 3 links to other families who are struggling and need the prayers of other believers. I realize that there are so many people out there who can benefit from the prayers of God's people. So many have sick children, struggle with infertility, or suffer from a chronic illness. I believe that we can use this great tool called the Internet to bring their stories to others attentions, so they can be lifted up to heaven. My prayer is that you will be diligent to pray for one or two of these families as I post them. And, if one should full capture your heart - as Ethan did mine - I pray that you will continue to pray for that family and follow their journey. I know that God will bless the families, and that He will also bless the people who are praying. I hope that you will let me know of your celebrations and the blessings you receive as you intercede for those you may never meet.

So, for today, I have

• Margaret Romph and her parents Sherline and Eric Margaret (age 5) was in a terrible car accident in January and suffered a spinal cord injury. You can read more of her story and get details on how to pray for her by visiting her caring bridge site. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/margaretromph
• Tucker Beam and his parents Courtney and Jason Tucker was diagnosed with Rhabdomyo sarcoma in 2001 - shortly before his first birthday. God healed him after a year of chemo, radiation, and surgery. He was cancer free for 6 years. In February 2008, they discovered that Tuck had a second cancer, ostoegenic sarcoma. In March of 2009, they also diagnosed him with AML, a form of leukemia. You can read more of his story and get details on how to pray by visiting his caring bridge site. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/tuckerbeam

Thanks for your prayers for these families! I know their struggles make me so thankful for my healthy family!

Remembering Ethan

Over the past few years, I've had the privilege of praying for the Powell family - Ben, Becky, and Ethan Isaiah Powell. Ethan was just 2 months old when he was diagnosed with leukemia. Almost immediately, the word traveled through the Internet, and millions of people joined in prayer for precious little E. Through my year of praying for Ethan, I learned many things about God. I got to see first hand that there is great power in prayer. I saw the unsurpassing peace and comfort of the Holy Spirit. And I got to witness the goodness of God and His people. Unfortunately, Ethan lost his 14 month battle with this terrible disease on April 5, 2008 - a year ago, today.

"PRAYeR WORKS" was Ben's "battle cry" through their 14 month journey. And, while I know the prayer for Ethan's miraculous healing wasn't answered as we wanted, I know that God still heard each and every prayer and answered them in His way. I see how God gave Ethan a first birthday - which wasn't expected. I remember how God raised and lowered lab counts in ways that could only be attributed to Him. And, most importantly, I see how God used Ethan and his story to change people's hearts. Ethan was a mighty warrior in his battle against cancer, and a mighty warrior for the LORD. I know that his ultimate healing occurred when he was carried into Jesus' arms.

I've never met Ben and Becky. I became familiar with their story through a friend. However, I have grown a connection with them through my deep prayers for them and their family. They are spoken of around our home by first names. And they are still prayed for - today. I pray that God has surrounded their lives with His presence and they have been able to move through the unthinkable grief. I pray that God blesses Becky's studies at school. I pray that God blesses Ben's work. I pray that God continues to use them and their story to raise money for cancer research. I pray that Ethan's legacy will continue on and that more people will come to know God through the Powells.

Because of my experience of praying for the Powell family, I want to be used to minister to more families who are struggling. So, on Friday I will post more details of my plan. Until then, please be in prayer for the Powells as they travel this difficult journey.

I'm still here...

I've been away for a while. I just haven't had the energy to write about the whirlwind of emotions that have been swirling around us. Hubby and I finish up at the church this week. It has been very difficult for us and the church. It is such a completely new situation for us, that I can hardly explain it all.

In my heart of hearts, I know God is at work in and around me and this situation. For most of the time, I am at peace with our departure and excited to see where God will take us next in our ministry journey. We've always prayed for God to let us know when it was time to move on in ministry, so I guess I should be thankful that He made if perfectly clear that we are done in our current situation. So, I just wait. There are other times, however, that complete panic overtakes my heart and I worry about the money, the bills, the food, and the family. I look around at our nation's economic situation, and I wonder if we will ever find a new ministry position. It is scary times out there, and I know that our church isn't the only one that's struggling with the finances. So, I cling to God's promises. Mine for today is Psalm 31:24 "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."

It is so very weird to be leaving a church - full of people that we love - and not be going to another church - full of people to love. We have left ministry posts before, but it was easier because the "break-up" was on our terms. In those situations, the parting was full of anticipation and excitement over the new ministry location. Here it is just a sad good-bye.

We have decided to go ahead an visit other churches in the area instead of attending our current church until a job opens up. This decision gives us time to get some spiritual feeding, allows us to see how the other people "do church", and also give the church a chance to begin moving forward without our leadership. To us, it was the obvious choice. To the church, they are a bit confused over our decision not to worship with them until God moves us away. I know it is the best for us spiritually and emotionally. I will not ever be able to describe the roller-coaster of emotions that flow through my body on Saturdays, Sundays, and Wednesday nights when I am at the church. It is draining me to remain a positive role model in times when I want to shake my fists and declare my frustration and distraught.

We also need to exit the church because there are select members who are still trying to fight for us to stay and another staff member to leave. I do not like being in the middle. I do not like how the enemy is trying to use this situation to tear up God's church. I do not like people pulling me aside in the church hallways to whisper that they have "rallied some troops" for our cause. I believe God is leading us to a new place. So, we need to leave and allow God to heal the wound.

So, thank you for your prayers!! I know that is what gets me through most days. I will keep you updated.