I'm still here...

I've been away for a while. I just haven't had the energy to write about the whirlwind of emotions that have been swirling around us. Hubby and I finish up at the church this week. It has been very difficult for us and the church. It is such a completely new situation for us, that I can hardly explain it all.

In my heart of hearts, I know God is at work in and around me and this situation. For most of the time, I am at peace with our departure and excited to see where God will take us next in our ministry journey. We've always prayed for God to let us know when it was time to move on in ministry, so I guess I should be thankful that He made if perfectly clear that we are done in our current situation. So, I just wait. There are other times, however, that complete panic overtakes my heart and I worry about the money, the bills, the food, and the family. I look around at our nation's economic situation, and I wonder if we will ever find a new ministry position. It is scary times out there, and I know that our church isn't the only one that's struggling with the finances. So, I cling to God's promises. Mine for today is Psalm 31:24 "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."

It is so very weird to be leaving a church - full of people that we love - and not be going to another church - full of people to love. We have left ministry posts before, but it was easier because the "break-up" was on our terms. In those situations, the parting was full of anticipation and excitement over the new ministry location. Here it is just a sad good-bye.

We have decided to go ahead an visit other churches in the area instead of attending our current church until a job opens up. This decision gives us time to get some spiritual feeding, allows us to see how the other people "do church", and also give the church a chance to begin moving forward without our leadership. To us, it was the obvious choice. To the church, they are a bit confused over our decision not to worship with them until God moves us away. I know it is the best for us spiritually and emotionally. I will not ever be able to describe the roller-coaster of emotions that flow through my body on Saturdays, Sundays, and Wednesday nights when I am at the church. It is draining me to remain a positive role model in times when I want to shake my fists and declare my frustration and distraught.

We also need to exit the church because there are select members who are still trying to fight for us to stay and another staff member to leave. I do not like being in the middle. I do not like how the enemy is trying to use this situation to tear up God's church. I do not like people pulling me aside in the church hallways to whisper that they have "rallied some troops" for our cause. I believe God is leading us to a new place. So, we need to leave and allow God to heal the wound.

So, thank you for your prayers!! I know that is what gets me through most days. I will keep you updated.