Attitude is EVERYTHING

When I was a young child. I had a Mickey Mouse record player in my room. Maybe you had one, too? I remember that the arm and needle were Mickey's arm and hand -- with his index finger pointed out.

One of my favorite things to do was listen to music. I think I had every Sesame Street record ever made. (If only my mom had kept those -- I'd be rich). I remember one song that means more to me now than it ever did when I was a child. My crazy brain can still sing it:

Looking at my feet and the crack in the sidewalk,
an old tin can by the side of the road,
I nearly missed a rainbow,
I nearly missed a sunset,
I nearly missed a shooting star going by

So the meaning of the song is that we can miss some pretty good things if we are too busy looking down and feeling sorry for ourselves. In these crazy times, I am reminded to look up - up to where God is on His throne, working out His plan for our family. I am reminded to look up and see all the wonderful things that he has already done in and around me. I am reminded to focus on the rainbows, sunsets, and stars instead of tired feet, cracked concrete, and dirty trash.

Psalm 121:1-3, 7-8
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 The LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

On a Lighter Note

My kids are the absolute light of my life. Motherhood has its full of frustration, but it also has its moments of complete and utter joy. So, I thought I'd share with you some of this month's highlights.

• Toward the beginning of the month, sweet Sister had the flu, despite getting the flu shot. Anyway, the next week, out weather was cloudy, cold, and just blah. Here is a conversation we had in the car during that dreary week:
  
  S: I think the sun is sick
  Me: Sick?
  S: Yes! I think it has the flu.
  Me: Why do you think that?
  S: I think that it has been in bed under the "cloud covers" for a few days.
  
• Brother is naturally smart - like in a "where did he get that" kind of way. Because learning comes easy to him, he has poor study skills. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at checking and double-checking his homework assignments to make sure he is "on task." Well this week, he came home and reminded me that his book report is due on Friday. When I asked if he was done reading the book, his quick reply was, "No, but I know enough about it. I will pull it off." Unfortunately, I know he is right.
  
• Sister had a bad dream the other night. I guess it was the first time she had really ever had one. When she came into my room, instead of telling me she had a bad dream, she said, "Mommy, there were monsters in my eyes."

I'm still here...

I've been away for a while. I just haven't had the energy to write about the whirlwind of emotions that have been swirling around us. Hubby and I finish up at the church this week. It has been very difficult for us and the church. It is such a completely new situation for us, that I can hardly explain it all.

In my heart of hearts, I know God is at work in and around me and this situation. For most of the time, I am at peace with our departure and excited to see where God will take us next in our ministry journey. We've always prayed for God to let us know when it was time to move on in ministry, so I guess I should be thankful that He made if perfectly clear that we are done in our current situation. So, I just wait. There are other times, however, that complete panic overtakes my heart and I worry about the money, the bills, the food, and the family. I look around at our nation's economic situation, and I wonder if we will ever find a new ministry position. It is scary times out there, and I know that our church isn't the only one that's struggling with the finances. So, I cling to God's promises. Mine for today is Psalm 31:24 "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."

It is so very weird to be leaving a church - full of people that we love - and not be going to another church - full of people to love. We have left ministry posts before, but it was easier because the "break-up" was on our terms. In those situations, the parting was full of anticipation and excitement over the new ministry location. Here it is just a sad good-bye.

We have decided to go ahead an visit other churches in the area instead of attending our current church until a job opens up. This decision gives us time to get some spiritual feeding, allows us to see how the other people "do church", and also give the church a chance to begin moving forward without our leadership. To us, it was the obvious choice. To the church, they are a bit confused over our decision not to worship with them until God moves us away. I know it is the best for us spiritually and emotionally. I will not ever be able to describe the roller-coaster of emotions that flow through my body on Saturdays, Sundays, and Wednesday nights when I am at the church. It is draining me to remain a positive role model in times when I want to shake my fists and declare my frustration and distraught.

We also need to exit the church because there are select members who are still trying to fight for us to stay and another staff member to leave. I do not like being in the middle. I do not like how the enemy is trying to use this situation to tear up God's church. I do not like people pulling me aside in the church hallways to whisper that they have "rallied some troops" for our cause. I believe God is leading us to a new place. So, we need to leave and allow God to heal the wound.

So, thank you for your prayers!! I know that is what gets me through most days. I will keep you updated.

Dieting Update

Well, if you read the previous post, you will better understand why I haven't been posting for a while. Things have just been a bit chaotic in our household. I probably don't have to explain this, but with the stress, the dieting has also gone south. I love food, and I love to eat when I don't feel so happy. So, with all the job stuff, I have not been very disciplined with my eating.

To be fair, I have continued to weigh-in and keep track. My official weigh-in day is Saturday. This past week, I was up 1/2 pound. I was very frustrated by it all -- even shed some tears because of it. Weight loss is just so difficult, but regardless of my stresses, I need to be more responsible for my food choices and take better care of this body. So, I have been better this week, and hope to report a loss at the next update. Until then...I'll be drinking crystal light instead of lemonade.

We've been TRUMPED!

If you play card games, you may think I'm talking about my good card being taken by one that is superior. Unfortunately, I'm not talking games here. We've been Trumped - as in Donald Trump - as in "You're Fired!" This is definitely NOT a game, this is life.

The church is behind in their tithes and offerings for 2008, so the only other place to cut the budget -- after placing a spending freeze on the staff -- is personnel. Unfortunately, my love was the last one hired...first one fired. We don't have many details because the church is still working up a plan. We have loads of questions:

• How long will we have a job?
• Will there be any compensation/severance pay?
• What about our insurance?
• What do we do now?
• Is there any other options?
• Is this all God's plan?

It is a confusing time for us. I know in my heart that God is in control. I know in my innermost being that He has not lead us to this place, only to abandon us here. I just also need to know in my checkbook that everything will be taken care of. I need some reassurance that God will reward our faithfulness -- not by health and wealth -- but by safety and security. I don't like seeing my hubby stressed out. I don't like seeing my son worry about the future for our family. I don't like that my kiddos have seen me cry more in the past week than they ever had in their entire lives. I'm looking to God for the light and the BIG sign as to where we go from here.

It's is worse than Target -- Wednesday's Rant

I try to be positive and upbeat in my posts, but sometimes, you just need a place to put down your thoughts and feelings -- regardless of how ugly they my be. For the sake of my readers, I will try to contain my complaints to Wednesdays! I may even be able to skip some weeks. :)

So, my target (no pun intended) is stores that have ridiculous return policies. In the past, I have had many frustrations with Target stores. Their return policy is that you must have a receipt or gift receipt for any return. If you do not have either one, you are limited to 2 returns (without a receipt) per driver's license per year and the item can only be exchanged for store credit. While I understand the necessity of policies, I feel that certain things -- like items on a gift registry or items that are continually in stock at their stores -- should be exempt from such strict limitations.

Well, dear friends, I have found a store with a worse return policy!!

Here is the background. Sister had her birthday this past week. Wouldn't you know that my sister and Hubby's brother both bought her a Cinderella dress-up costume. So very cute, but what are the odds that both would pick Cinderella for their "out of town" niece? I mean, I know Disney makes other costumes. Anyway -- I thought it would be simple enough to take one of the Cinderella outfits to the store, walk up to the counter, explain the situation, and walk away with one Sleeping Beauty costume (since Sister requested "the pink one"). Boy, oh boy, was I ever the wrong one in that!!

I walked into Toys R Us and explained the situation. The girl behind the counter asked me, "Did you get a receipt with that?" I explained that I did not, but I just wanted an even exchange. She then told me, "No receipt means no refund, return, or exchange." I explained, again, that it was a gift. She than said, "Well, if you give me their phone number, I'll look it up to verify it was bought at our store." I explained that one person is from out of town and the other giver is out of state. She told me, "No matter, they will be in our system." (Can anyone say, "Hello, Big Brother"?) I politely declined and exited the store. I then went to Target and used up one of my "no receipt" returns for the year. :)

So, PLEASE, hear my warning: Do not buy any gifts at Toys R Us unless you know for sure the person is wanting to keep it and/or you provide a gift receipt. I know there are dishonest people in the world, but why, oh why, must we all suffer the consequences?

Dieting - YUCK!

Well, I'm dieting. I know that the politically correct term is "lifestyle change," but it still feels like a diet -- no matter what I tell myself. I'm not sure my lifestyle will ever be happy without chips, dip, and ice cream, but some sacrifices will be required along this journey.

A few years ago, after Sister was born, I followed the South Beach diet (SBD) and lost over 50 pounds. Then I got a bit too comfortable and have now managed to gain 35 of those back. Since I never met my goal in the first place, I really need to get serious about this! Why is struggling with my weight going to be the burden I bear for the rest of my life? I wonder if I will ever feel successful in this.

SBD has 3 phases. The first is the most limited. Its purpose is to eliminate any cravings your body may have for sweets. For 2 weeks, the rules are no sugar, no fruit, and no bread/grains. I will faithfully suffer through this phase, knowing that my body needs to be shocked into reality. The second phase is the true weight-loss phase. Its purpose it to learn how to eat a balanced diet of protein, "good" carbs, and veggies. It really is the fum part of the plan because you lose weigh, while trying new foods. The final phase is 3 - maintenance. I've never achieved this part, so I cannot telly you anything about it, but I'm sure it is wonderful, but challenging in its own way (or is it weigh?).

So, now that the holidays and birthdays (yes, my kids both have January birthdays) are behind us, I will move back into the dieting phase of my life -- contemplating every bite that is to enter my mouth, weighing the pros and cons of each cheat. I will keep you posted on my progress, and share some helpful tips (if I find any) along the way. I am actually looking forward to it -- so I can feel better - both physically and emotionally.